The other day, I talked about my insights and my take on Spirituality with my dear friend. She asked;
Why is spirituality often introduced during desperate times?
There was skepticism in her tone of voice.
It is a great question. It is true, isn’t it? A lot of spiritual people, including myself, talk about their process and their spiritual awakening often preceded by a period of desperation, depression, and/or despair on some level. There is often some kind of struggle involved, right? I answered:
During my depression, Spirituality was NOT introduced to me by someone, not at all. I had different experiences that I eventually started to take seriously and then, the best explanation that I could find, for these experiences, became Spirituality.
I think this is the journey for a lot of people to have a spiritual awakening. It is an experience of something wonderful (and for you at that moment) unexplainable that activates you that suddenly is explained by others through similar stories. They have experienced the same things, or different, but with the same conclusion; We are all connected. Suddenly, It is as if we have all attended the same (but different) ”school”. Suddenly, instead of getting frustrated with clichés like ”There is a reason for it”, we totally understand and agree. It is as if these insights and this wisdom are delivered to us from something or someone. Some people call it God or Source energy or The divine or The Holy Spirit. I simply call it IT or a Universal Intelligence. In times of desperation, depression, and despair. Spirituality isn’t introduced by someone …
… WHEN YOUR ARMOR IS GONE, YOUR SPIRIT IS PRESENTING ITSELF TO YOU. It is as simple as that.
Your spirit is the link to this Universal Intelligence (some kind of energy). When your shield is broken the energy can finally get through to you. Your spirit is your connection. We are all connected through our spirits. You don’t have to crash as I did. You can quiet your mind, reduce your ego and lower your guard through meditation, mind hacking, emotional and collective intelligence, doing The Work, yoga, and visit nature and start operating from the laws of the universe.
The way I see it, the Universal Intelligence is pure energy, enlightenment, THAT YOU FEEL. This is not something that you understand with your intellect or the intelligence in your brain (the one we like to measure). You feel it in your body. The insights, it is as if it is all coming from your heart and it makes perfect sense to you. I will try to explain something unexplainable through one of my many encounters with this thing. It’s probably not what you imagine …
During, what I now know to be, the darkest time of my depression, something happened. Because I was unable to write down my thoughts, instead, I tried to imagine where I was in life, what I was feeling and experiencing. I asked myself;
If I was to imagine my current situation and my feelings, what would it look like?
When I closed my eyes, I saw myself sitting in a dark place. I mean a DARK place. The darkness was not only dark, it was pitch-black, it was heavy and compact. It felt as if the oxygen was slightly reduced. Like a dungeon I guess. I could not see anything, not even my hand 1 inch from my face.
When I closed my eyes this image was so real to me. It was everything that I was going through. THIS MASSIVE ANXIETY. But, the darkness was not scary. At the time it was neutral. This image was recurring for some time. I was not in captivity by this darkness but in my imagination, I could not walk away from it. I had no clue where I was. I saw nothing. I could hear nothing. Every time when I closed my eyes, there I was. In the darkness. This image, that came to me, that was presented to me, by me? … helped me understand my current situation;
That I was 100% unable to figure myself out this time. That I had nowhere to go. That my anxiety was eating me alive. That I would stay in this darkness until something would happen or someone would help me. I could keep denying my current situation or surrender to the unknown.
I started to breathe, in this darkness. I returned every night. And sometime during the day. I closed my eyes and I was breathing into the darkness. I made the darkness my companion. After some time it became an uncomfortable comfort somehow.
Now I realize that this was me surrendering. This was me letting go of control. This was me accepting my depression. This is me accepting help. This was me trying to trust the process again. This is me getting better. I was blessed with this insight;
The breath is the portal to our inner world, our inner knowledge, and ancient wisdom.
I wish that I would have documented this process with dates but I had no clue at the time how important this experience would be to my recovery. But this is less than a year ago (today it is the 2nd of July 2020).
Suddenly, after some time, 10 doors became visible to me in this darkness. The dungeon became a little bit lighter, or at least less heavy somehow. It felt a bit easier to breathe. The doors where right in front of me in a half-circle. In my visualization (I now realize I was in meditation) I spontaneously got up on my feet but, I stopped myself. I still didn’t know where to go. Which door I should choose.
Surrendering to the unknown means; not to act until you get a clear sign or a calling about where to go and what to do (from this thing you don’t know), and I was still clueless. To my surprise, I could see myself sitting down again. Breathing. Absorbing all the comfort that I could, in the fact that there were doors visible to me. It felt positive and that things were moving in the right direction for the first time in a long time. That was the first sign of hope and the seed of confidence within started to grow. It was like a reward from inside that felt true and healthy. The darkness had now become my uncomfortable but loving friend.
Suddenly after some time, door nr 7 or 8, from the left started to shine with this bright light.
I absorbed all the satisfaction and pleasure it gave me, to see this warm light coming from one of the doors, but still, I didn’t go there. I didn’t hurry as I would have. I was sitting still, enjoying the moment, breathing. I felt grateful that there was light. I felt blessed with this light. I could feel that I was not ready yet to enter the door. Imagine that.
I now understand that in that darkness, I subconsciously answered a high-quality-question that was introduced to me months later by a spiritual leader, Michael Beckwith. In the darkness I responded to this question;
What if this situation was to last forever, what abilities would I then have to develop?
In that pitch-black-darkness with a slightly reduced oxygen level it was easy to answer;
The ability to breathe deeply and slowly.
A statement that came to me during meditation was;
Letting go of control means getting it back. Taking control means losing it again.
This statement, and many more, followed me during my days of solitude. I was thinking about the statements and I was thinking and feeling. Did it make sense? And, if so, how to apply this in my life? I was breathing during the day. I slowed down during the day. I felt gratitude over a cup of coffee. I felt blessed with all this time on my hands. I was thankful for the sun on my face. For the light in my life. I felt grateful for the music I listen to. Despite the fact that I was broke and felt broken …
I started to feel so grateful for my current situation
imagine that …
Suddenly, I got out of the dungeon. One night when I closed my eyes I found myself in a totally different setting. I was a bit confused. Again, I asked a question; Is this what my current situation looks like now? Apparently it was.
I’m in nature. On a place high up. A place with a view. The air is warm but fresh and strong. The sky is right above. The sun is shining. I feel free but still, I can't walk away from this visualization, not that I want to, but it is an interesting detail. It made me understand my current situation;
Even though I am out in the free, I have a lot to work on still. I am far from healed.
Something, or someone, helped me out of that dungeon, and at the same time, IT WAS ME ALL ALONG creating some kind of inner peace by letting go and surrendering to the unknown. By applying my inner wisdom on my current situation, letting myself be inspired and take action based on the visions I had and the statements I ”received”, by breathing slowly and deeply.
Now, when I close my eyes I am still in that same place but the place has transformed, just like I have. I am working, healing, and visualizing. I ask high-quality questions. I am being more conscious about this healing process I’m in. Taking it very seriously. The support I am receiving, the insights I am getting. The emotions I am feeling, in, and out of meditation. I can’t explain it in any other way than, there is a Universal Intelligence collaborating with me, for sure.
This is why I am allowing myself to be captivated by IT. I have never been happier. I have never been this much in love with the world. I have never felt this self-love. I have never been so eager to participate. I can’t imagine to ever let this go! I just want to learn more and more, go deeper, wider, expand …
It feels as if I have never been smarter and I am NOT operating from my intellect. I am operating from a holistic me, mind, body, soul, and spirit. And I am currently hacking and re-coding my mind to better support this newfound collaboration. My vision is to understand how to think, feel, act, and learn with my heart. The heart is our portal to the Universal Intelligence. I keep hacking my mind to support my vision. Follow me on Insta: re_set_yourself and see how it goes.
Spirituality, for me, is NOT mysticism.
It is NOT about paranormal activities.
It is not about being possessed by demons.
It is not about a crystal ball.
It is not about being perfect and flawless
It is not about being superior or inferior
It is NOT a religion, no priest has the right to force anything on me EVER
It is, however, all about energy and how to understand it and master it.
Wikipedia will tell you that there are more than ”27 explicit definitions of spirituality with some overlaps and little agreements”. It is an individual experience and it is an individual choice to choose to believe your experiences, the signs, or not. And one of the most beautiful things about it is; once you have found it you understand that IT CAN NOT BE FORCED on anyone. MAYA then becomes crucial for anyone trying to promote Spirituality. (Most Advanced Yet Acceptable).
The way I see it; Spirituality is the collective term for a number of tools. Practicing these tools could bring you closer, and makes it easier, to connect with this Universal Intelligence, this energy. Using these tools properly includes self-responsibility and discipline. It is bloody hard work!
I choose to do it because this connection with this Universal Intelligence, this conversation, made the word DIVINE understandable to me for the first time in my life. I could feel it. I have had a lot of great conversations over the years but this is, by far, the best (and the most difficult) conversation I have ever had And It is addictive literally.
According to me, Spirituality is liberation and captivity at the same time. What do I mean by that? Spirituality is liberation from the current paradigm. Our current reality created by laws, social structures, and collective believes mad up by man.
The majority of them were not spiritually enlightened while creating the rules of our time. Most of them where men driven by their amplified ego and to much masculine energy. Masculine energy is not related to our biological sex!!! A lot of women are operating with amplified egos too and masculine energy unbalanced. Just like I was.
We all do what is promoted so let's change what we are promoting.
The level of human conscience has been operating on a low level which has created a world of separation instead of oneness. A spiritual awakening offers insight into our existence and will give you a whole new take on the world. This alternative was shown to me, felt by me, through this Universal Intelligence and it creates a totally different type of captivity. I am now being captivated by my conscience wanting to create this world that I have seen. I have felt what this world could be, what it really is.
A spiritual awakening is an elevation of our level of conscience. IT IS like waking up from a dream. Parts of my dream was great. Some people's dreams are comfortable and smooth, it does not matter. After an awakening; You can NOT go on like you once did. If I would choose to ignore this, I would get sick again, for sure.
This Universal Intelligence collaborates with our conscience through our intuition (among other things). I am captivated by my conscience, to do what I think is right, and only my conscience can judge me or set me free. This is painful and wonderful at the same time and If you choose to, it can become extremely empowering. My life is entirely up to me and all the tools I need are available to me right now. That is a heavy burden to carry and also 100% liberating. It is true freedom. No one or nothing holds me back and I answer only to my own conscience. I know, scary isn’t it? This leads up to my next question:
What will I then choose to make of myself now?
To be captivated, or in collaboration with my conscience, demands self-responsibility and discipline. This collaboration, this connection is amazing, that's why so many of us are being its humble servant AND choose to be captivated by IT at the same time. I am being captivated by the inner wisdom of what this world could be. This image, that the Universal Intelligence has shown me, it is UTOPIA and I choose to believe that it will happen.
This is my personal take on spirituality as I understand it today
Universal Intelligence makes us understand how everything is connected. We are not separated from each other, the earth, or any other living creature. It is a holistic perspective on everything. What we do now, how insignificant it might seem, can have a significant impact on an event and influence the future outcome (for better or worse). It is the ”Butterfly Effect”. We impact each other every day all the time all over the world. It is the paradox of how insignificant and significant we are at the same time. We are powerless and powerful. We can not not participate, not even as bystanders watching this life go by. WE PARTICIPATE in creating this world.
This universal intelligence offers a perception of time that is not linear. The past is present NOW through our emotions, thoughts, and actions AND so is the future through our conscience and the conscious or subconscious choices that we make. Everything is now.
Therefore, Spirituality to me, means (read; demands of me to stay sane) daily practice of mediation, yoga, to slow down, visit nature, listen to music, feel, think, reflect, getting enough sleep, so that I can act being aligned within. Otherwise, I would be overwhelmed with the non-separation-take and the ”Butterfly Effect” on the planet. I would crumble under the pressure of my conscience, not knowing how to participate without creating more separation and unwanted destruction.
ALIGNMENT WITHIN IS KEY AND IT IS HARD WORK.
Therefore, Spirituality becomes, not only a lifestyle but a way of living for me and for a lot of other people around the world. It is a movement. This way of living includes:
Discipline through daily routines like mediation, yoga, actively slow down, visit nature, listen to music, feel, think, reflect, sleep, so that I can act being aligned within
Commitment through endurance. Regardless of my setbacks and the pain I feel, I will keep going. I will learn, I will raise my awareness and evolve. My only desired outcome is to learn from this.
Limitations mean resisting temptations from everything that offers a short cut to, and a very brief moment of, peace of mind. In my case, it is mostly eating to much food or falling for fat and sugar preferable in the shape of chocolate and ice cream. For someone else, it could be drugs or TO MUCH alcohol, nicotine, shopping, traveling, re-decorating, renovating, exercise, under-eating, sex, gaming, etc. I am not judging BUT, all of this makes us numb, creates a shield, and obscure our mind and therefore it becomes harder for us to connect with the universal intelligence which offers true, real, long-lasting peace of mind and self-love.
Conviction means perseverance. I try to live that of what I preach every day. Instead of the short cuts, I will put in the hard work and stay with my daily routines. I will listen to the signs from my body and try to catch myself whenever I am falling out of care and out of love with myself or out of love for us.
I believe we are all spiritual beings (even though most people don’t practice spirituality like presented above) but everyone can access this Universal Intelligence. It is free for all. You can access it from your darkest dungeon whether that is living in your family, in your relationship, being homeless, addicted to drugs, being a criminal on the street or a criminal in a suit, or just being you, feeling like an alien, being depressed, feeling like life is over before you even got started …
Universal Intelligence do not force itself on you or judge you. When you decide that you want it and when you are willing to do ”The work” it is there for you regardless of your situation and what you have done.
I believe a lot of people know this subconsciously:
That we are all connected.
That we hold the key to our own happiness.
That we always have at least two chooses to every situation.
That there is a purpose within.
That we possess the key to our full potential.
That we hold the key to a thriving planet.
Many of you are crumbling under the pressure of your conscience without even knowing that that is what is going on. I think That’s one of the reasons why mental illness is increasing. I was crumbling too.
I have gone from having a mental breakdown to having a mental breakthrough and If I can do that transformation, so can you!
If you haven’t noticed, there are things happening around you. This Universal Intelligence is pulling us towards our purpose which also means, pushing us off the road if it is the wrong one. The human conscience is elevating globally. Feminine energy is pouring down to balance it all out (remember, not related to our biological sex).
So what will I choose to make of myself now?
I will accept and embody what I am, a spiritual creature. True to my highest purpose being open to my full potential serving only my conscience and looking forward to being blessed with fulfillment in my heart. I will eventually die with peace of mind, a clear conscience and a happy soul, which is the meaning of life.
For those of you who are troubled right now. For those of you who are losing your grip, losing your touch, losing your way, wondering what the fu*k is going on with this-world-gone-mad, feeling a lack of inspiration, can’t feel your intuition, sliding into a depression. Let me ask you one high-quality-question;
If the world has gone mad and you no longer function in it … Are you then getting sick or are you actually getting better?