During the autumn of 2018, I was home on parental leave. It was an election in Sweden. A messy one, just like the last one back in 2014. I read the news. Tried to get engaged in our society and politics. I read books about Swedish values and the Swedish ”model”. None of which we were practicing. It didn't make any sense to me.
People where excluding men in the name of inclusion.
People where excluding Swedish Democrats all in the name of democracy.
People were promoting people of color saying that skin color doesn’t matter.
And at the same time reducing hard work, perseveres and good judgment into a big fat privileged do to your white skin.
Feminists were defending the Hijab in the name of women's rights.
I got so confused.
Before I went into S:t Göran (Sthlm mental hospital) I was awake at night. I didn't sleep for almost 6 months. I was wondering, about this world gone mad. And Sweden, and Swedes. The country and the people that I love, that has given me so much. You guys talk about a country without culture. As if culture is about pizza, pasta, and a fu’k Christmas tree. That's far from the whole story about what makes up the culture and its people in general and Sweden in particular.
I literally got crazy. I entered a manic and psychotic episode. I crashed on the 11th of February 2019. My diagnosis at the time was Postpartum Depression with fatigue syndrome. Yes, Ida didn’t sleep that much. But she didn’t keep me awake. I keep her awake do to my anxiety. Now I know what heavy anxiety means, the one that makes it hard to breathe.
My baby could sense that something was terribly wrong with her mother.
In my job, as a group process facilitator, having studied the research regarding group development for the past decade talking about behavior and attitudes, guideline and culture that will make the workplace thrive. Compassion, kindness, inclusion, diversity, empathy, equality, feminism, solidarity, and democracy are all pillars for, not only group development but the development of humanity.
These pillars have been a passion of mine and I have made a living out of my knowledge regarding these pillars for the past 10 years. I think it's fair to say that I am knowledgeable within the field. Therefore, I do not take lightly on these words and how they should be manifested. If these words were easy to manifest this world would look very different. They are however very easy to get completely wrong and become tools for mass separation despite the best intentions.
I tried to follow the government and the establishment interpretation of compassion, kindness, inclusion, diversity, empathy, equality, feminism, solidarity, and democracy. It didn't resonate with me. At first, I bought into the epithet of racism that was handed out all over the place, but pretty soon, that didn’t make any sense either.
Being a person of color, growing up in the white norm, I had my fair share of racism but some of the stuff you guys said, just didn’t make any sense. That made me angry. I don’t benefit from you misusing that word, everything misused lose its value, now, what word should I use when racism actually happens?
The interpretations of these worlds slowly took over the culture of every workplace I visited including SVT were I worked for 6 months. I will tell you about my heartbreaking experience at SVT some other time.
In the end, I just could not move. I didn’t know what direction I should take. I could not talk. The words got stuck. I got quiet. I felt unsafe in a way I never felt before. I started to listen. I observed. I looked at the people I used to admire, a lot of you were either getting sick, angry, bitter, or stupid. I excluded myself in away. A pattern, when I don't know what's going on.
I had the research right in front of me. What behavior and attitudes that create a healthy culture and what doesn’t. And so did a lot of you in my network. I started to sense this troubling question coming my way; In what way was I a part of the solution, Or was I actually a part of the problem? It's a hard question to ask yourself and its even harder to realize that you are a part of the problem. Even though my intellect was fighting that by telling me "My intention is good" I could not deny it when taping into my heart.
History repeats itself because people get comfortable, thinking that they are safe. We leave the responsibility for democracy to politicians. It should never be a politician's job to defend democracy, it goes against the essence within the person striving to become a politician (of today) in the first place, which is power over others and a big ego. I'm sure a lot of politicians start out with the desire to make this world a better place. However, entering a corrupt system will put your moral and ethical standards to the test. People staying in that system are bound to become corrupt sooner or later. It was always the people's responsibility to guard democracy and that will probably never change.
The government, the president, the king, the priest always, eventually, kidnap your conscience, forcing their own convenient way of interpreting the most important words of mankind. It leads to mass disruption, destruction, war, mass depressions, you name it.
A lot of you in my network are sleeping. You are following along like zombies. Handing over the power to the most incompetent leader Sweden ever had during the most difficult times in Swedens history. You have to wake up!!!
But, there is hope. Some people are resistant to this mass hypnosis it seems. And they are trying to wake us up, getting a bit desperate which is understandable.
The government is laying, censuring information, ignoring warning signs, ignoring appeal from communities all over this country for years, making shady deals with each other, ignoring all the fail-safes that were built in our democratic system. Just to stay in power. That's a big ego right there.
We have had a government following an ideology, most people didn't vote for, for the past 8 years. And they have refused to be influenced by the second biggest party in our parliament. We should not have allowed that to happen. This is what happens then. We actually didn't get the country we deserved. 60% voted for something else. DÖ and Januariavtalet was a way for the government to bypass democracy.
So, Why didn't I say anything? All my life, people have eventually told me to go home and get my shit together and the lack of influence always made me –eventually– go home and contemplate. When I thought, I got my shit together, I went back with newfound wisdom and old wisdom presented in a way more suitable for you. I got some influence, all good. But then, the story repeats itself. "Go home and get your shit together". This time though … Something was different. I could feel this dragon inside of me growing. The automatic pilot of self-doubt was facing resistance within me.
It is actually scary. Scarier, to start doubting people around you that you used to love and respect. To doubt a whole industry that has been your place for growth for so many years. That is a free fall much more unpleasant than self-doubt. Maybe that's why so many brilliant people eventually close down. They just care so much about the relationships around them and eventually, there are choices that need to be made about boundaries, dignity, and integrity. You can not step towards your full power and keep hiding at the same time.
Losing people becomes inevitable. You either hold on and get stuck or let go and grow.
The dragon inside of me. This massive energy of inspiration and will power. This force pulling me towards growth. I am learning to fly it. And I am here to tell some of you in my network. It is time for YOU to go home and get your shit together. These are my new heroes. These are the people I look up to now. These people I admire a great deal. These people have been trying to wake us up for years. I am sorry it took me so long.
I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
En arg blatte talar
To all of you, thank you for standing strong and for expressing yourself. Thanks for the courage of going against the political correctness climate and being in opposition. I am awake now and you are not responsible for me. We all have to find our own path and own battles in this "modern-civilized-version-of-war".
... And to Jimmy Åkeson; thanks for being in opposition all these years despite the bullying we all participated in. I am sorry. Please forgive me.
And if you are about to choke over that last name, please, realize what a fool YOU are. You are a manipulated marionett for this government. "Fear of touch" , blame, shame and guilt are lethal weapons in every democracy. When you are shooting this weapon on to your fellow citizens for listening in to the alternatives; it is NOT the Swedish Democrats and Jimmy Åkesson killing democracy, and its not Stefan Lövfen either... IT IS YOU!
I am not advocating the right (and certainly not the left). I am advocating the right to have an opinion and to express yourself.
I am often in opposition because the opposition is key to evolution and democracy. And I am finally fine with that.
Oh ye, why is Swedish culture and Swedes worth fighting for? Because we believe in the freedom of choice in every aspect of life (love, religion, expression, believes, sexual orientation, education) equal possibilities for all, and equal pay for equal work (which is not the same thing as an equal outcome in life in general) and the importance of self-realization in order for us to create a thriving society. We believe in compassion, kindness, inclusion, diversity, empathy, equality, feminism, solidarity, and democracy. We have got it right before. Let's take the meaning of those words back.
No one else will fix this. You have to step in and participate. Sweden (or the world) will not end because of bad people. It will end if ignorance is allowed to set the agenda.
Wake up. Reset yourself. Leave your comfort zone. Re-think and re-learn. And express yourself. Your opinion matter. If someone tells you that your opinion doesn't matter, they are lying to you. Go to the alternative media. Start by listening to the people I mention above, there is your start. Right there.
And if your surroundings are heavily intoxicated by this unhealthy culture of blame, shame, and guilt and you feel unsafe, just like I did. Create an alias and start following the alternative media content out there. Start today!
Good morning! If you want to grab a morning coffee talking about this dream you just woke up from, I am game.